Chapter 6
Sarah came home at 8:10 the next morning.
Ethan was already awake.
He was sitting at the table eating pancakes Melissa had made.
When the front door opened, his entire body stiffened.
Sarah walked into the kitchen.
Her eyes immediately found him.
“Hi, baby.”
Ethan didn't answer.
Sarah took one step forward.
He pushed his chair back.
“I have to brush my teeth.”
“Ethan.”
He ran upstairs.
Sarah closed her eyes.
Melissa looked at her sister.
“You did that.”
Sarah's face hardened.
“I know.”
“Do you?”
“Melissa, please.”
“No. You asked me to take your son for six months based on lies.”
“I was trying to protect him.”
“From what? Being loved?”
Sarah flinched.
I stepped in.
“Not in front of Lily.”
Lily was coloring at the counter.
She looked up.
“Is everybody mad?”
“No, sweetheart.”
“Yes,” Melissa said at the same time.
I looked at her.
She shrugged.
“I'm not lying to children today.”
Under different circumstances, I might have laughed.
Sarah sat at the table.
“I want to talk to Ethan.”
“You should,” I said.
“I want to explain.”
“Don't explain your affair to an eight-year-old.”
“Obviously.”
“Then apologize.”
She stared at me.
“I will.”
“No excuses.”
Her eyes flashed.
“I said I will.”
Melissa took Lily into the backyard.
I went upstairs.
Ethan was sitting on his bed.
His toothbrush was still dry.
“Your mom wants to talk.”
“I don't.”
“You don't have to right this second.”
“Is she making me go?”
“No.”
His head lifted.
“Really?”
“Melissa isn't taking you.”
Relief changed his whole face.
Then fear returned.
“Does Mom know?”
“Yes.”
“Is she mad?”
“No.”
He picked at the edge of his blanket.
“Can you stay?”
“When you talk to her?”
He nodded.
“If you want.”
“I want.”
Sarah came in a few minutes later.
She stopped near the door.
Ethan was sitting beside me.
The distance between them was only six feet.
It looked like miles.
“Can I sit?”
Ethan shrugged.
Sarah sat on the desk chair.
For a long moment, nobody spoke.
Then Sarah said, “I hurt you.”
Ethan looked at the floor.
“I said things a mom should never say.”
His eyes filled.
Sarah's voice shook.
“You didn't do anything wrong.”
He wiped his face quickly.
“You said Lily needs you more.”
“I was wrong.”
“You said Jason isn't my dad.”
Sarah glanced at me.
Then back at Ethan.
“I said Jason isn't your biological father.”
“You said I should remember that.”
She closed her eyes.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
Sarah didn't have an answer.
Ethan looked at me.
Then at her.
“You wanted me to go because you like Lily better.”
“No.”
“Yes, you do.”
“No, Ethan.”
“You took her for pizza.”
“I made a bad choice.”
“You buy her stuff.”
Sarah's face changed.
“What?”
“Lily got new shoes.”
“You had shoes.”
“They hurt.”
I hadn't known that.
I looked at Ethan's feet.
He was wearing socks.
“Why didn't you tell me?”
His eyes stayed down.
“Mom said they were fine.”
Sarah whispered, “Oh God.”
Ethan wasn't finished.
“You went to Lily's school thing.”
“What school thing?”
“My science thing.”
Sarah looked confused.
Ethan's face tightened.
“The rocket.”
I remembered.
Two months earlier, Ethan's class had a science night.
I was out of town for work.
Sarah told me Ethan had decided not to participate.
Apparently that wasn't true.
“You had a science night?”
He nodded.
“I made a bottle rocket.”
I looked at Sarah.
She looked sick.
“You told me he didn't want to go.”
“I forgot.”
“You forgot?”
“I had Lily's dance rehearsal.”
“It was the same night?”
Sarah nodded.
I stared at her.
“And you chose Lily's rehearsal.”
“She had a recital coming up.”
Ethan stood.
“See?”
Sarah began crying.
“Baby, I'm sorry.”
“Stop calling me baby.”
She went completely still.
Ethan ran out.
This time I didn't follow immediately.
I looked at Sarah.
“You need help.”
She nodded.
“I know.”
“No, I mean real help.”
“I know.”
“Because this isn't one bad dinner.”
“I know!”
Her voice broke.
“I know, Jason.”
She buried her face in her hands.
“I started resenting him.”
Hearing her admit it was worse than suspecting it.
“Why?”
“Because Ryan came back.”
“Ethan didn't bring him back.”
“I know that.”
“Do you?”
She looked up.
“Every message from Ryan made me remember everything. The drinking. The screaming. The nights he disappeared. Being twenty-five and pregnant and terrified.”
“And then you looked at Ethan.”
“He has Ryan's face.”
“That is not his fault.”
“I know!”
“Stop saying you know.”
Sarah cried harder.
“Then what do you want me to say?”
“I want you to tell me why you let your trauma become his punishment.”
She stared at me.
“I don't know.”
That was the first truthful answer she'd given me in days.
I sat across from her.
“We need a DNA test.”
Her face went pale.
“I know.”
“Today.”
She nodded.
“And counseling.”
“Yes.”
“Individual. Not just marriage counseling.”
“Yes.”
“And Ethan sees someone too.”
“Yes.”
“You don't pressure him to forgive you.”
Sarah swallowed.
“Okay.”
“You earn it.”
“I will.”
I didn't tell her forgiveness might not be enough for our marriage.
Not yet.
We arranged the DNA test that afternoon.
Not one of the drugstore kits.
A proper lab.
Results in several days.
Ryan agreed immediately.
He came alone.
When Ethan saw him through the lab waiting-room window, he froze.
Ryan stayed on the other side until we asked Ethan what he wanted.
“Do I have to talk to him?”
“No,” Sarah said quickly.
Ethan looked at me.
“No.”
He nodded.
Then after a minute, he whispered, “Can I see him?”
Ryan came in.
He didn't hug Ethan.
Didn't call himself Dad.
Didn't make a speech.
He sat in the chair across from him.
“Hi, Ethan.”
“Hi.”
“You got tall.”
Ethan frowned.
“You don't know how tall I was.”
Ryan took the hit.
“You're right.”
Silence.
Then Ethan asked, “Why did you leave?”
Sarah inhaled sharply.
Ryan didn't look away.
“Because I was selfish and sick, and I made bad choices.”
“Mom said you didn't want me.”
Ryan's face crumpled for half a second.
“She had reasons to think that.”
“So you didn't?”
“I loved you. I just wasn't good enough to act like someone who loved you.”
Ethan stared at him.
“That's stupid.”
A strange sound escaped me.
Almost a laugh.
Ryan nodded.
“Very.”
Ethan crossed his arms.
“Jason stayed.”
Ryan looked at me.
“Yes, he did.”
“He taught me to ride a bike.”
“I heard.”
“How?”
“Your mom told me.”
Ethan looked at Sarah.
Then back at Ryan.
“Are you trying to be my dad now?”
Ryan took a breath.
“I'm trying to know you. If you let me.”
“I already have Jason.”
Ryan's eyes filled.
“I know.”
Sarah looked away.
Something shifted in the room.
Not forgiveness.
Not healing.
Just truth.
For once, nobody was pretending biology automatically determined love.
We completed the tests.
Then we went home.
Three days later, the laboratory called.
The results were ready.
I opened the email alone in my office.
Sarah was downstairs.
Ryan had received his own copy.
My finger hovered over the screen.
I thought I was prepared.
I wasn't.
Probability of paternity: 0%.
I read it again.
Ryan was not Lily's biological father.
My knees weakened.
I sat down.
Relief hit first.
Huge.
Overwhelming.
Then anger followed right behind it.
Because even though the result said Ryan wasn't Lily's father, it didn't erase the affair.
It didn't erase six years of lies.
It didn't erase Ethan's tears.
I heard footsteps.
Sarah stood in the doorway.
She looked at my face.
“Did you get it?”
I nodded.
She couldn't speak.
I turned the laptop around.
She read the result.
Her hand covered her mouth.
Then she started sobbing.
“She's yours.”
“Yes.”
“Jason, she's yours.”
“I know.”
She rushed toward me.
I stood.
But when she tried to hug me, I stepped back.
Sarah froze.
The relief disappeared from her face.
“You still cheated.”
“I know.”
“You still lied.”
“I know.”
“You still sacrificed Ethan's sense of safety because you were afraid I'd discover what you did.”
“I know.”
“And fourteen thousand dollars is gone.”
“I'll pay it back.”
“With what money?”
“I'll figure it out.”
I looked at her.
“You were afraid I would stop loving Lily if she wasn't biologically mine.”
Sarah cried silently.
“Yes.”
“And while you were afraid of that, you stopped treating Ethan like your son because he reminded you of Ryan.”
She closed her eyes.
The hypocrisy was brutal.
I didn't have to explain it.
She finally saw it.
“I don't deserve either of you.”
“This isn't about what you deserve.”
“Then what is it about?”
“It's about what the kids deserve.”
My phone rang.
Ryan.
I almost ignored it.
Then I answered.
He didn't say hello.
“Jason, Rebecca's gone.”
“What?”
“She cleaned out our joint account.”
I stood.
“When?”
“This morning.”
“Why are you telling me?”
“Because she left something behind.”
“What?”
“A folder.”
My stomach tightened.
“What kind of folder?”
“Screenshots. Bank records. Messages.”
He paused.
“And Jason?”
“Yeah?”
“Sarah didn't tell you everything.”
I looked at my wife.
She had heard him.
Her face went white.
“What else is there?” I asked.
Ryan's answer made Sarah grab the edge of the desk.
“Rebecca wasn't blackmailing Sarah to hide the affair.”
I stared at Sarah.
“Then what was she blackmailing her about?”
Ryan went quiet for a second.
“When I first contacted Sarah, she offered me money to stay away from Ethan.”
I stopped breathing.
Sarah whispered my name.
Ryan continued.
“Rebecca found out.”
I looked at my wife.
“Is that true?”
Sarah started shaking her head.
“Jason, listen—”
“Is it true?”
She began crying.
May you like
And that was when I realized the DNA test had answered only one question.
The worst truth was still coming.
