Chapter 5
I did not go alone.
Not exactly.
Melissa came to stay with Ethan.
I told her where I was going and gave her the hotel information.
“If I don't call you in an hour, call me.”
She looked worried.
“Do you think Ryan is dangerous?”
“I don't know.”
“That isn't comforting.”
“It's all I've got.”
Before I left, Ethan caught my hand.
“Bring Lily home.”
“I'll try.”
“And Mom?”
I hesitated.
His face changed.
“You're mad at her.”
“Yes.”
“Are you going to divorce her?”
Eight-year-olds should not have to ask questions like that.
“I don't know.”
He nodded slowly.
Then he hugged me.
Ethan had never been a kid who hugged easily.
I held him tighter than usual.
At 5:52, I pulled into the Harbor Inn parking lot.
Sarah's SUV was parked near the back.
Beside it was a dark pickup truck.
I walked to room 214.
Sarah opened the door before I knocked.
She looked exhausted.
No makeup.
Hair pulled back.
Eyes swollen.
“Where's Lily?”
“Inside.”
I stepped in.
Lily was sitting on one bed watching cartoons.
She jumped up.
“Daddy!”
I hugged her.
Then I saw the man sitting in the chair near the window.
I knew immediately who he was.
Ethan had his eyes.
Ryan stood.
He was taller than I expected.
Forty, maybe.
Gray beginning at his temples.
He looked uncomfortable rather than threatening.
“Jason.”
I stared at him.
“You know my name.”
“Of course.”
“That's interesting. Until yesterday, I barely knew you existed anywhere outside old stories.”
Sarah shut the door.
“Can we please not do this?”
I looked at her.
“You brought my daughter to a hotel with your ex without telling me.”
Her face tightened.
“I told you we'd explain.”
“So explain.”
Lily looked over.
Sarah lowered her voice.
“Not in front of her.”
I picked Lily up.
“Where are her things?”
“Jason.”
“Where are they?”
“She's staying with me tonight.”
“No.”
Sarah stared at me.
“You don't get to walk in here and—”
“I absolutely get to walk in here and take my five-year-old daughter home after you lied about where you were taking her.”
Ryan stood.
“Maybe we should all calm down.”
I turned toward him.
“You don't get to tell me to calm down.”
He lifted both hands.
“Fair.”
That surprised me.
He sat back down.
Sarah looked trapped.
Finally, she said, “Lily, sweetheart, put your headphones on.”
Lily frowned.
“Why?”
“Please.”
She obeyed.
Sarah waited until the cartoon was playing loudly in Lily's headphones.
Then she looked at me.
“I don't know if you're Lily's biological father.”
There are sentences that divide your life into before and after.
That was one.
I heard the air conditioner humming.
A truck passing outside.
Lily laughing quietly at the cartoon.
Everything normal.
Everything impossible.
“What did you say?”
Sarah's eyes filled with tears.
“Jason—”
“What did you say?”
“I was with Ryan once after you and I started dating.”
I couldn't breathe.
“When?”
“About six years ago.”
“Lily is five.”
“I know.”
“How far into our relationship?”
“Seven months.”
I stepped backward.
Seven months.
We had already said I love you.
I had already met Ethan.
I was already helping Sarah with preschool pickups because her work schedule was unpredictable.
“Was it one time?”
“Yes.”
I looked at Ryan.
He nodded.
“One time.”
“You expect me to believe you?”
“No,” he said quietly. “But it's true.”
I turned back to Sarah.
“You cheated on me with Ethan's father.”
She covered her mouth.
“I made a terrible mistake.”
“And then you married me.”
“Yes.”
“And had Lily.”
“Yes.”
“And never told me there was a chance—”
“I convinced myself there wasn't.”
“Did you do a test?”
“No.”
“Then how did you convince yourself?”
“The dates.”
“What dates?”
“She was born late.”
My stomach turned.
“You told me she came early.”
Sarah started crying.
“I know.”
I stared at her.
Every memory of Lily's birth twisted inside me.
The hospital.
The tiny pink hat.
Sarah squeezing my hand.
The nurse saying congratulations, Dad.
I looked at Lily.
She was humming.
Completely unaware.
I wanted to break something.
Instead, I whispered, “Why now?”
Ryan answered.
“Because I asked.”
I looked at him.
He leaned forward.
“I got sober. Built my life back. I started thinking about Ethan constantly. I knew I'd failed him.”
“You did.”
“Yes.”
No excuse.
No argument.
That made it harder to hate him.
“I contacted Sarah because I wanted to see my son.”
“And you suddenly remembered you might have another child?”
His jaw tightened.
“I never forgot.”
I looked at Sarah.
She stared at the floor.
Ryan continued.
“When Lily was born, Sarah told me there was no chance she was mine.”
“So you walked away from that possibility too.”
“I was using back then. I believed whatever made my life easier.”
At least he admitted it.
“Four months ago, when I contacted Sarah, I told her I wanted a DNA test before I entered Ethan's life.”
“Why?”
“Because if Lily is my daughter, I needed to know.”
“And that's when Sarah decided to send Ethan away.”
Ryan frowned.
“What?”
He looked at Sarah.
“You were sending him away?”
Sarah's face hardened.
“This is not about that.”
Ryan stood.
“You told me he was staying with your sister because of school.”
I laughed bitterly.
“That's what she told everyone. Different version for each person.”
“Jason—”
“No. Why were you sending Ethan away?”
Sarah started pacing.
“Because I knew what would happen.”
“What?”
“You!”
She pointed at me.
“This!”
“You mean me finding out you cheated?”
“I mean you looking at both children differently.”
I stared at her.
“You thought I would punish Ethan because his father came back?”
“I didn't know.”
“So you punished him first?”
Her face crumpled.
“I wasn't punishing him.”
“You left him home while you took Lily for pizza.”
“I was trying to spend time with her.”
“Before what?”
Sarah stopped.
That was the question.
Before what?
Ryan looked at her too.
“Sarah.”
She sat down.
Then she whispered, “Before Jason found out.”
My entire body went cold.
“You thought I might leave Lily if she isn't biologically mine.”
Sarah began crying.
“I didn't know what you'd do.”
“So your solution was to separate Ethan from the family first?”
“I thought if Ethan was with Melissa, he wouldn't see everything fall apart.”
I stared at her.
“You told him we didn't have room for him.”
“I was scared.”
“You told him Lily needed a life where everything wasn't about him.”
“I said things I shouldn't have said.”
“You told him not to show me the papers until he was gone.”
“I know.”
“He thinks you don't want him.”
Sarah covered her face.
“I know.”
For the first time, she sounded broken.
But knowing she felt guilty didn't erase what she'd done.
Ryan spoke quietly.
“What money?”
Sarah froze.
I looked at him.
“So you didn't receive transfers from her?”
“What transfers?”
I pulled out my phone and showed him.
His eyebrows drew together.
“I never received that.”
Sarah stood abruptly.
“Stop.”
I looked at her.
“Who is R. Morgan?”
She said nothing.
“Sarah.”
Ryan stepped closer.
“Who?”
Her shoulders dropped.
Then she whispered, “Rebecca.”
“Who is Rebecca?”
Ryan went pale.
“My wife.”
I stared at him.
Sarah had been sending thousands of dollars to Ryan's wife.
“Why?”
Ryan asked the question before I could.
Sarah sat down slowly.
“Because she found the messages.”
“What messages?”
“The old ones.”
“What old ones?”
Sarah looked at me.
“From when Lily was born.”
My heart sank.
“What did they say?”
“She threatened to tell you.”
Ryan's face changed.
“Rebecca has been blackmailing you?”
Sarah nodded.
“For months.”
The room went silent.
“How much?” I asked.
“Fourteen thousand dollars.”
I almost laughed.
“You took fourteen thousand dollars from our household and gave it to someone so I wouldn't find out you cheated on me?”
“I panicked.”
“You lied to me every day.”
“I know.”
“You almost sent Ethan away because of it.”
“I thought if Ryan came back and everything came out, Ethan would blame himself.”
“You made him blame himself anyway!”
Lily suddenly removed one headphone.
“Daddy?”
Every adult in the room went silent.
She looked at us.
“Why is Mommy crying?”
I walked over and picked her up.
“Grown-up problem.”
“Can we go home?”
I closed my eyes.
“Yes.”
Sarah stood.
“Jason…”
“She's coming with me.”
Sarah nodded.
That surprised me.
Maybe she finally understood there were things she couldn't demand right now.
I gathered Lily's backpack.
Before leaving, I looked at Ryan.
“If you want a relationship with Ethan, you don't sneak into it through hotel rooms.”
“I know.”
“You don't make promises.”
“I know.”
“You don't disappear again.”
His face tightened.
“I won't.”
“You already did once.”
He nodded.
“I know.”
I turned to Sarah.
“Come home tomorrow morning.”
“Will you be there?”
“Yes.”
“Are you leaving me?”
I looked at Lily in my arms.
Then I thought about Ethan asking whether I'd still visit him after he was gone.
“I don't know.”
Sarah started crying again.
I walked out anyway.
On the drive home, Lily fell asleep.
When I carried her inside, Ethan came running.
“You got her!”
He hugged Lily even though she was sleeping.
Melissa watched from the kitchen.
Her face asked the question I didn't want to answer.
I shook my head.
Not now.
I carried Lily upstairs.
Ethan followed.
I tucked her into bed.
Then Ethan climbed beside her and carefully placed the stuffed unicorn under her arm.
“Did you find out why Mom lied?” he whispered.
“Yes.”
“Was it because of me?”
I looked at him.
“No.”
“Promise?”
“Yes.”
He studied my face.
Then asked the question that destroyed what little strength I had left.
“Is she coming back for me?”
I sat beside him.
“She should.”
“That isn't what I asked.”
He was right.
I looked toward the bedroom door.
Tomorrow, Sarah would come home.
She would have to face Ethan.
She would have to face me.
And somewhere out there was a woman named Rebecca who had taken fourteen thousand dollars to keep a secret.
But the worst part was this:
May you like
We still didn't know the truth about Lily.
And until we did, every relationship in our family was balanced on a question none of us wanted answered.
