Chapter 5
I barely slept that night.
Rachel stayed in our bedroom.
I took the couch.
Around midnight, Ava came downstairs.
She stood in the hallway holding a stuffed rabbit.
“Dad?”
I sat up.
“What’s wrong?”
“Are you and Mom fighting because of Ethan?”
I rubbed my face.
“No.”
“But you were fighting about him.”
“We were arguing about choices Mom and I made.”
She climbed onto the couch beside me.
“Is Ethan mad at me?”
“No.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
Her eyes filled.
“I knew Mom was taking stuff out of his room.”
My stomach tightened.
“What did you know?”
Ava looked scared.
“I thought Ethan said it was okay.”
“Because Mom told you that?”
She nodded.
“What happened?”
“Mom asked me if I wanted the shelf in his room.”
I closed my eyes.
The shelf.
I had helped build it when Ethan was nine.
Blue wood.
Crooked corner because he insisted on holding the drill.
“What did you say?”
“I said no.”
“Why?”
“Because it was Ethan’s.”
She looked down.
“Mom got mad.”
“At you?”
“She said I always take his side.”
I felt another wave of anger.
Ava was eight.
There shouldn’t have been sides.
“What else did Mom say?”
“That Ethan had two houses and I only had one.”
I hugged her.
“Ava, listen to me. Your brother having two houses does not mean he has more family than you.”
“I know.”
“He isn’t taking anything away from you.”
“I know.”
“If anyone ever tells you that loving Ethan means loving you less, they are wrong.”
She hugged me tighter.
“Is he coming back?”
“Yes.”
I hoped I was right.
The next morning, I called in sick.
Rachel came downstairs dressed for work.
She looked exhausted.
“We need to talk tonight.”
“We need to talk now.”
“I have a meeting.”
“Call out.”
“I can’t.”
“You expected me to leave for Florida tomorrow.”
“That’s different.”
“No. This is more important.”
She stared at me.
Then she took off her coat.
“What?”
I placed her phone on the table.
She looked at it suspiciously.
“I didn’t go through it.”
“Then why is it there?”
“Because I want you to show me the conversation with Claire.”
Her face hardened.
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s private.”
“She was discussing my son.”
“She’s my sister.”
“And Ethan is my child.”
“That doesn’t give you the right to read my messages.”
“No, it doesn’t.”
She seemed surprised.
I continued.
“So I’m not demanding your phone.”
“Good.”
“I’m asking.”
“No.”
I nodded.
“Then I have my answer.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means there are things in those messages you know would make this worse.”
“That is not what it means.”
“Then show me.”
She crossed her arms.
“No.”
“Okay.”
I picked up my car keys.
“Where are you going?”
“To a hotel.”
Her mouth fell open.
“What?”
“I’m not staying here while you decide how much truth I’m allowed to know.”
“You’re abandoning Ava and Sophie.”
“No. I’ll pick them up after school. They can stay with me tonight.”
“You can’t just take them.”
“I’m their father.”
“And I’m their mother.”
“Then we’ll agree on a schedule.”
Her eyes widened.
“A schedule?”
“Yes.”
“You’re talking like we’re separated.”
“We are separated.”
The words surprised both of us.
Rachel stared at me.
“You decided that in one night?”
“No.”
I thought about Ethan eating dinner alone.
About the packed boxes.
About the lies.
“You decided it over months. I only found out yesterday.”
She sat down hard.
“You can’t do this.”
“I can.”
“Daniel, please.”
I looked at her.
“I need space where I can think without wondering what else you’re hiding.”
Her eyes filled.
“What do you want me to do?”
“Start with the truth.”
“I told you the truth.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
I took out my phone.
“Then answer one question.”
She waited.
“Was the goal to make Ethan choose Laura’s house full-time?”
“No.”
“You’re certain?”
“Yes.”
I watched her.
“Did Claire ever suggest that?”
Rachel looked away.
There.
That tiny movement.
“Rachel.”
“She said maybe it would be easier.”
“And what did you say?”
“I told her I didn’t know.”
“You didn’t say no?”
“I was upset.”
“You didn’t say no.”
“I didn’t agree either.”
I felt cold.
“What exactly were you upset about?”
She rubbed her forehead.
“You were at Ethan’s baseball game.”
“Which one?”
“The championship.”
I remembered.
It was the weekend after Sophie’s kindergarten graduation.
Rachel had wanted to take the girls to a lake resort.
I told her we could go after Ethan’s game.
His team unexpectedly advanced through the tournament.
Our resort trip had been shortened.
Rachel had been furious but claimed she understood.
“You wanted me to skip his championship?”
“I wanted you to choose us once.”
“He’s included in ‘us.’”
“Not to me!”
The words exploded out of her.
She covered her mouth immediately.
Too late.
I stared at her.
She started crying.
“I’m sorry.”
“No.”
“Daniel—”
“That is the problem.”
“I know.”
“For six years, you’ve smiled at him while thinking he wasn’t part of your family.”
“That isn’t fair.”
“It’s exactly what you said.”
“I cared about him.”
“Past tense?”
She froze.
I noticed.
So did she.
“I care about him.”
“Do you love him?”
Silence.
I waited.
“Rachel.”
“I don’t know.”
The answer hurt, but at least it was honest.
“You don’t have to love him like his mother does.”
“I tried.”
“But you do have to treat him like a child who belongs here.”
“I know.”
“Do you?”
“Yes.”
I looked at her for a long time.
Then I said, “Show me Claire’s messages.”
Her hands trembled.
Finally, she unlocked the phone.
She slid it across the table.
“Read them.”
I almost didn’t want to.
But I did.
The conversation went back months.
Then years.
At first it was ordinary sister talk.
Complaints.
Parenting.
Marriage.
Then Ethan’s name appeared more often.
Rachel:
Daniel is taking Ethan to another baseball thing Saturday. Girls are disappointed.
Claire:
Of course he is. Ethan snaps his fingers and Daniel jumps.
Rachel:
That’s not fair.
Claire:
You know it’s true.
A month later.
Rachel:
Laura changed weekends again.
Claire:
Tell Daniel no. Stop letting his first wife run your house.
Rachel:
It’s for Ethan’s school trip.
Claire:
Always an excuse.
Then another.
Claire:
Madison says she’d love to go to Florida with you guys.
Rachel:
We’re taking Ethan.
Claire:
Why? He gets vacations with Laura.
Rachel:
Daniel would never leave him.
Claire:
Then don’t give Daniel the choice until it’s booked.
My jaw tightened.
Further down.
Rachel:
I actually thought about it.
Claire:
Good. Your daughters deserve one vacation where they aren’t second place.
Then the message that changed everything.
Rachel:
If Ethan gets upset maybe he’ll stay with Laura. Honestly sometimes I wish he would.
I stopped reading.
My hands were shaking.
Rachel was crying silently.
I looked at her.
“You wrote it.”
“I know.”
“You wished my son would leave.”
“I was angry.”
“You wrote it.”
“Yes.”
I scrolled further.
Claire:
Exactly. Once he’s there full time, Daniel will finally focus on his actual household.
Rachel:
Maybe.
Maybe.
Four letters.
Enough to destroy years of trust.
I put the phone down.
Rachel whispered, “I never planned to hurt him.”
“You planned to exclude him.”
“Yes.”
“You hoped it would make him stay away.”
“I had a horrible thought.”
“You acted on it.”
She covered her face.
“I know.”
I stood.
“I’m going to Laura’s.”
Her head snapped up.
“Why?”
“To talk to Ethan.”
“About the messages?”
“He deserves to know the truth.”
“No.”
I stared at her.
“You don’t get to manage what he knows anymore.”
“It will destroy any chance I have of fixing things with him.”
“You did that.”
“Please.”
I shook my head.
“I’m not showing him every text. He doesn’t need that. But I’m not lying for you.”
Rachel looked terrified.
“What are you going to say?”
“That none of this was his fault.”
I walked to the door.
Then she asked, “Are you coming back?”
I stopped.
“I’ll come back for the girls’ clothes.”
“Daniel.”
I looked over my shoulder.
“If you want even a chance of repairing this, call a therapist today.”
She nodded quickly.
“I will.”
“Not for us.”
Her face fell.
“For you.”
I left.
Laura opened her door before I could knock twice.
Ethan was in the kitchen.
He looked surprised to see me.
“Dad?”
“Can we talk?”
Laura watched us carefully.
“I’ll be upstairs,” she said.
Ethan sat across from me at the kitchen table.
I chose my words carefully.
“There’s something I need you to know.”
His face tensed.
“Is it worse?”
That question almost broke me.
“In some ways.”
He looked away.
I continued.
“Rachel has been talking to Claire about you for a long time.”
“Aunt Claire?”
I nodded.
“They were frustrated about schedules. Games. Holidays.”
“So?”
“So Claire encouraged Rachel to push you away.”
Ethan went very still.
“Did Rachel want that?”
I could have softened it.
I could have lied.
Instead I said, “At times, yes.”
His eyes filled.
“Okay.”
“Ethan.”
He stood.
“Okay.”
“It isn’t okay.”
“I know.”
He paced to the window.
“Did she hate me the whole time?”
“I don’t know.”
“You lived with her.”
“I know.”
“You married her.”
“I know.”
His voice rose.
“And you didn’t know?”
“No.”
He turned.
He was crying now.
“How could you not know?”
There was no defense.
So I didn’t give one.
“I should have.”
He wiped his face.
“She was nice when you were around.”
“I know.”
“That’s why I thought maybe I was crazy.”
“You weren’t.”
“I thought maybe I was too sensitive.”
“You weren’t.”
“She always said I was.”
“She was wrong.”
He sat down again.
“What happens now?”
“I’m staying somewhere else for a while.”
His eyes widened.
“You’re leaving?”
“Rachel and I are separating.”
“Because of me.”
“No.”
“Dad—”
“Listen to me.”
I leaned forward.
“This is because of choices Rachel made and choices I failed to see. You told the truth. You didn’t cause anything.”
He stared at me.
“What about Ava and Sophie?”
“I’m still their father.”
“They’ll blame me.”
“No.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I won’t let anyone tell them that lie.”
He looked down.
Then his phone buzzed.
He checked the screen.
His face changed.
“What?”
He turned the phone toward me.
A message from Madison.
I’M SORRY.
Then another.
I DIDN’T KNOW AUNT RACHEL KICKED YOU OFF THE TRIP.
And another.
MOM SAID YOU DIDN’T WANT TO GO.
Ethan stared at me.
“That’s three different stories.”
I nodded.
His phone buzzed again.
This time Madison wrote:
I heard my mom yelling at Aunt Rachel. She said she has screenshots and Daniel better never see them.
I felt my stomach drop.
Ethan looked at me.
May you like
“What screenshots?”
I had a feeling I was about to find out.
