Chapter 8
My father lived twenty minutes outside Nashville.
For the entire drive home, the photograph sat on the center console.
No one touched it.
Emma finally asked, “Grandpa knew Dad?”
“I don't know.”
“You recognize him.”
“Yes.”
Daniel looked at me.
“Your father never mentioned Jason after he left.”
“No.”
That wasn't completely true.
My father mentioned Jason often.
Just never with sympathy.
He called him a coward.
A thief.
A mistake I should forget.
When Daniel proposed, my father had pulled him aside and said, “Thank you for giving those girls a real family.”
At the time, I thought it was gratitude.
Now I wondered what else it was.
We dropped Margaret back at Green Meadows.
She claimed she knew nothing about the photograph.
Daniel believed her.
I wasn't sure I believed anyone anymore.
Emma slept for most of the drive.
When we reached home, it was almost noon.
My father answered on the third ring.
“Hey, sweetheart.”
“Were you waiting for Jason to come back?”
Silence.
Then, “What?”
“I found a photograph.”
More silence.
“Dad.”
“What photograph?”
“You. Jason. A woman named Claire Bennett.”
He exhaled.
“Oh.”
Just that.
Oh.
My stomach dropped.
“You knew Claire?”
“Yes.”
Daniel went still.
I put the phone on speaker.
His face hardened.
“When?” I demanded.
My father didn't answer.
“Dad?”
“I think we need to talk in person.”
“No.”
“Rachel.”
“You're going to talk right now.”
Emma sat at the kitchen table listening.
My father sighed.
“I met Claire after Jason left.”
“How?”
“She contacted me.”
“Why?”
“She wanted money.”
Daniel muttered, “Of course.”
My father heard him.
“Daniel?”
“Yes.”
Another silence.
“I suppose you're finding out about your sister.”
Daniel's jaw clenched.
“You knew she was my sister?”
“Eventually.”
Daniel stood.
“Everyone knew except me.”
My father said quietly, “It wasn't my story to tell.”
Daniel laughed.
That laugh had no humor in it.
I cut in.
“Why did Claire contact you?”
“She said Jason owed people money.”
“We know that.”
“She said some of those people were threatening her.”
“Why come to you?”
“Because Jason told her my family had money.”
I closed my eyes.
Of course.
“What did you do?”
“I met them.”
“Both of them?”
“Yes.”
“When?”
“About four months after Jason disappeared.”
Daniel frowned.
“Before he came back asking me for money.”
“Yes.”
The timeline shifted again.
“What did Jason want from you?”
“Fifty thousand dollars.”
Emma looked horrified.
“For what?” I asked.
“To disappear permanently.”
Daniel whispered, “Son of a—”
“Daniel.”
He stopped.
My father continued.
“I told him absolutely not.”
“So why does Claire's note say you gave Jason money to come back?”
“I didn't.”
“Then why would she write that?”
“I don't know.”
“Dad.”
“I gave Claire money.”
Everyone froze.
“How much?”
“Ten thousand.”
“Why?”
“To get away from him.”
Daniel sat slowly.
My father continued.
“She told me Jason had become controlling. She wanted enough money for an apartment and treatment.”
“Treatment?”
“She was using too.”
Daniel looked devastated.
“Margaret said she got clean.”
“She did later.”
I asked, “Did Jason know you gave Claire money?”
“Yes.”
“What happened?”
“He was furious.”
“Why?”
“He thought I was paying her to leave him.”
Emma whispered, “Everybody keeps paying everybody to leave.”
No one corrected her.
My father continued.
“Jason threatened me.”
“With what?”
“He said if I interfered again, he'd come back to Nashville and make sure you knew I'd been communicating with him.”
I stared at the phone.
“Why would that scare you?”
Another silence.
My chest tightened.
“Dad?”
“Because I'd been sending him money too.”
The room vanished around me.
“What?”
“Not much.”
“How much?”
“Rachel—”
“How much?”
“Five hundred dollars a month.”
“For how long?”
“Almost a year.”
I couldn't speak.
Emma looked at me.
Daniel stared at the phone.
My father said, “I thought if he had enough to survive, he'd stay away from you.”
I laughed in disbelief.
“You paid my daughter's father to stay away.”
“No.”
“You just said—”
“I paid him because I was afraid desperate people do desperate things.”
“That is the same thing.”
“I was trying to protect you.”
I almost screamed.
There it was again.
The family motto.
Protect Rachel by lying to Rachel.
Protect Emma by lying to Emma.
Protect everyone until no one knew what was real.
“You don't get to say that.”
“Rachel.”
“You watched me cry for years.”
“I know.”
“You watched Emma ask why her father didn't call.”
“I know.”
“You knew where he was.”
“Sometimes.”
“And you said nothing.”
“If you'd known, you would've contacted him.”
“Yes!”
“Exactly.”
My father sounded angry now.
“He was using drugs. He owed dangerous men money. He had already threatened to take Emma.”
“So you made decisions for me.”
“Yes.”
The honesty stunned me.
“At the time, yes.”
“Why?”
“Because you were twenty-four years old, exhausted, broke and raising a three-year-old.”
“I was still her mother.”
“I know.”
“No. You didn't.”
I ended the call.
My hands were shaking.
Daniel approached slowly.
“Rachel.”
“Don't.”
He stopped.
Emma came beside me.
“Mom?”
“I need a minute.”
She hugged me anyway.
I broke.
Not because of Jason.
Not because of Daniel.
Because suddenly I realized the men around me had spent years deciding what truths I could handle.
My father.
Daniel.
Jason.
Each for different reasons.
Each convinced his reason was good enough.
I cried into my daughter's hair.
“I am so sorry.”
She whispered, “For what?”
“For letting our family become a place where everyone keeps secrets.”
“That wasn't all you.”
“No.”
I pulled back.
“But I'm part of it.”
Daniel stood near the doorway.
I looked at him.
“We need rules.”
He nodded.
“Anything.”
“No more secrets.”
“Yes.”
“If Jason contacts you, you tell me.”
“Yes.”
“If you remember something uncomfortable, you tell me.”
“Yes.”
“If someone asks you to protect me from information, you tell me.”
“Yes.”
“And don't say yes just because you're afraid I'll leave.”
Daniel's eyes filled.
“I am afraid you'll leave.”
Emma looked between us.
I swallowed.
“I know.”
“I don't want to lose you.”
“Then don't manipulate me into staying.”
“I won't.”
His voice broke.
“I love you too much to lie again.”
I shook my head.
“You loved me when you lied before.”
That silenced him.
“Love isn't enough, Daniel.”
He nodded slowly.
“I know.”
This time when he said it, I believed he understood.
Emma's phone buzzed.
We all looked at it.
She flinched.
Jason.
Her hands shook.
“Do you want me to take it?” I asked.
“No.”
She opened the message.
It was long.
Emma read silently.
Then she handed me the phone.
Emma,
I know I destroyed everything today.
I don't expect you to forgive me.
There are things I lied about because I was afraid you would see me the way everybody else does.
I told myself Daniel stole you.
Maybe because admitting I walked away hurt too much.
I did love your mom.
I do love you.
I also did things I'm ashamed of.
I stole money.
I used drugs.
I threatened Daniel because I was jealous.
I forged the letter.
I lied about your grandmother.
I'm sorry.
But there is one thing everyone is still hiding from you.
Ask your mother why your grandfather paid me five thousand dollars the week Emma was born.
I read the last line twice.
Emma stared at me.
“Mom?”
“I don't know what he's talking about.”
She searched my face.
“You swear?”
“Yes.”
Daniel asked, “Could Jason be lying again?”
“Obviously.”
Emma shook her head.
“He admitted everything else.”
“Maybe because he wants us to believe this part.”
She looked at me.
“Call Grandpa.”
I did.
My father didn't answer.
Again.
No answer.
I called my mother.
She picked up.
“Rachel?”
“Where's Dad?”
A pause.
“In the garage, I think.”
“Put him on.”
“What happened?”
“Mom.”
She lowered her voice.
“Is this about Jason?”
Every muscle in my body tightened.
“How do you know?”
Silence.
“Mom?”
“Oh, Rachel.”
My knees weakened.
“You knew too?”
Emma was watching me.
Daniel looked furious.
My mother whispered, “Your father told me this day might come.”
I gripped the phone.
“What happened when Emma was born?”
My mother began crying.
“I begged him not to do it.”
“Do what?”
“Your father offered Jason money.”
Emma covered her mouth.
I could barely speak.
“Why?”
My mother sobbed.
“Because Jason wanted a paternity test.”
The room went completely silent.
I whispered, “What?”
“He told your father he wasn't sure Emma was his.”
Emma's face went white.
I shook my head.
“That makes no sense.”
“He was angry. You two had fought. He said terrible things.”
“And Dad paid him?”
“Your father offered him five thousand dollars to sign the birth certificate and never say that to you.”
I couldn't breathe.
Daniel caught my elbow.
I didn't pull away.
Emma whispered, “Dad didn't think I was his?”
I covered the phone.
“Sweetheart, this was before he knew anything.”
“But he asked for money?”
My mother heard.
“Emma?”
Emma grabbed the phone.
“Did my dad get paid to say he was my father?”
“No, honey.”
“That's what you just said.”
“He was scared.”
“So Grandpa paid him.”
My mother cried.
“Yes.”
Emma handed the phone back as if it burned her.
She walked out of the kitchen.
“Emma!”
Daniel followed her.
I stayed on the phone.
“Mom, why would Dad do that?”
“He thought Jason was trying to humiliate you.”
“Did you know whether Jason was her father?”
“Of course he was.”
“How could you know?”
“Rachel.”
The hesitation terrified me.
“What?”
My mother whispered, “Because your father had a test done.”
Everything stopped.
“What test?”
“When Emma was six months old.”
“You're saying Dad secretly did a paternity test on my child?”
“Yes.”
I gripped the counter.
“How?”
“He used one of Jason's toothbrushes and a sample from Emma.”
I felt sick.
“What did it say?”
My mother began crying harder.
“Jason was Emma's father.”
I closed my eyes.
At least that.
Then she whispered, “But Rachel, that wasn't the secret your father was afraid of.”
I opened my eyes.
“What secret?”
“The test came back with another result.”
“What kind of result?”
My mother's voice dropped.
“Jason wasn't the person your father thought he was.”
I frowned.
“What does that mean?”
She took a shaky breath.
“Your father and Jason were related.”
I stopped breathing.
“What?”
“Not closely.”
“How?”
“Rachel, Jason's biological father was your father's half brother.”
I nearly dropped the phone.
My mind rejected the words.
My father and Jason.
Related.
Emma and I.
Blood crossing blood in ways no one had known.
My mother rushed to explain.
“Your grandfather had a son before he married your grandmother. No one knew what happened to that child. Your father discovered it after the DNA test.”
I sat down.
“Did Jason know?”
“Eventually.”
“When?”
“Your father told him.”
“Why?”
“He thought Jason deserved to know.”
A horrible thought formed.
“And that is when Dad started paying him?”
My mother didn't answer.
“Mom.”
“Yes.”
I stared through the kitchen window.
Everything I had believed about the last twelve years was disintegrating.
My mother whispered, “Jason didn't just ask for money because he was broke.”
“Then why?”
“He threatened to tell the whole family.”
I laughed bitterly.
“So Dad paid him for silence.”
“Yes.”
“Why would Dad care?”
“Because his father was still alive then.”
“My grandfather?”
“Yes.”
“He had spent his entire life hiding that son.”
I covered my face.
The secrets went back generations.
Emma wasn't the beginning.
She was only the newest person trapped inside them.
Then my mother's voice changed.
“Rachel, there's something else.”
I almost couldn't bear it.
“What?”
“Jason knows your father kept the original DNA report.”
“Where?”
“In his home office.”
My stomach dropped.
At that exact moment, Emma ran back into the kitchen.
“Mom!”
Her face was pale.
“What?”
“Grandpa finally texted me.”
She showed me the screen.
May you like
There were only six words.
Jason is here. Do not come.
